Our Man McKay
by The Watch Stander
Summary: When things go wrong, guess who everyone looks to.Another day, another set of emails Chapter Two
1. Chapter 1

**Our Man McKay**

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, never will be. All rights belong to MGM/Sony. Written just for fun.

**Rating:** Painful humor

**AN**: I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

The Watch Stander ©2006

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Rodney was sitting at his desk with his laptop open before him; prepared once again to go where no man has gone before... That is to answer his inbox emails a new way.

Everyday, he was accosted by just about everyone in Atlantis . They all insisted on sending these tidbits of stupidity to him; thinking that he was in charge of everything.

Before he started his day he had to clean out the emails; normally it left him in a grumpy mood, but today was the day he got even.

If they wanted answers then so be it, they'd get answers!

He rubbed his hands together eagerly and started to type.

No one was safe today, he'd show them!

**Colonel Sheppard**:

Ref: Rebooting Your Computer 

I fail to see why you military types can't seem to follow simple instructions.

When I say to reboot your computer, it doesn't mean drop kicking it across the floor like a football.

I don't care how angry you are, push the damn button, let it reboot.

Trust me, it'll work much better.

Rodney McKay-Computer Genius

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**Dr. Elizabeth Weir**

Ref: Conserving Power

You will find that by having all the women on Atlantis refrain from using hair dryers ,it will cut our power usage by 4 percent a day. Please tell them they can let their hair dry naturally, I do. Or if necessary, stand on one of the balconies and let it air dry.

It's amazing how much energy is saved when heating units are not used.

Rodney McKay- Energy Consultant

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**Lt. R. Smith**

Ref: Leaking sink

I want you to know that I have three degrees and none of them included the course Plumbing 101.

Please contact Dr. Zelenka and he will take care of your problem.

Dr. Rodney McKay- Scientist

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**Ronon Dex**

Ref: Getting Even With Sheppard

Yes, I know that Sheppard putting red dye in your shampoo wasn't funny, and trust me , we will get even.

Last week he mismatched every pair of socks I own and I ended up wearing two different colors. The man is a nut job!

Tomorrow at 07:15am, while he's in the shower, I will turn off the hot water to his quarters. Then we'll see how funny he thinks that is.

Dr. Rodney McKay- Evil Genius

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**Dr. Carson Beckett**

Ref: Additional Supply of Medical Syringes

What is it with you and needles? I just saw another order for these last month.

Are you storing these up waiting for a victim to use as a pin cushion ?

I will forward above order, but be advised; I have a voodoo doll that I am putting your name on, so don't get any ideas about using me as said pin cushion.

Dr. Rodney McKay - Witch Doctor

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**Major Lorne**

Ref: 'Sludge' in the Waste Lines

Let me refresh your memory, I'm a scientist, not roto-rooter!

I think my esteemed colleague, Dr. Kavanagh handles things of this nature.

Please contact him.

Dr. Rodney McKay- Astro Physicist

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He pushed the send all button, closed the top and left the room smiling. The day just got a whole lot better.

End :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Our Man McKay **-The Watch Stander

Ok, I'm on a roll, so here's another chapter for this one as well!

**Chapter Two - Evil Deeds**

Ronon,

Ref: Sheppard's - not funny practical joke

Yes, I'm upset that Sheppard replaced all our underwear with the women's panties from the laundry. No, I haven't a clue how women can wear Thong underwear, it looks sooo, uncomfortable.

The good news is, Elizabeth was sympathetic and has graciously agreed to return the underwear to it's rightful owners and promised to not reveal any details as to where it came from, so we're safe.

However, the bad news is, there will be no replacements issued as there aren't any available.

Having no underwear till the Daedalus arrives in two weeks will be difficult, but that's not what make makes me really angry. My favorite pair of boxers with cats on them was also taken and is irreplaceable. Madison, my niece, gave them to me for my birthday.

This heinous act calls for retaliation!

Any ideas?

Get back to me.

Rodney McKay Pissed- Off- Genius

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Ronon,

Ref: Retaliation

Well, I found out where my favorite pair of boxers went to. After the meeting this morning Elizabeth took me aside and pointed out her window to the flag pole., where they were flying at half mast.

There is no way I plan on claiming them after half the Marine force on Atlantis, saluted them as they walked by.

Anyhow, I want you to know I got even with Sheppard for both of us.

When Colonel funny bone gets back from the mainland today, he will find that his favorite and only pair of running shoes have been glued to the floor in his closet with locktight cement!

Let's see his flying feet jog down the corridor in his combat boots! Ha!

Oh, don't forget, you promised to protect me if he gets violent...

Your Friend & Team mate

**Rodney McKay - Super- Evil- Genius **


End file.
